A week ago, I suddenly began to remember many of the friendships I used to have. Some of them have now been lost, and as the memories came back, I felt a deep sense of grief rise within me.
I do not think I had fully realised how much those friendships meant to me or how much losing them had affected me.
The pain has followed me into new relationships. I sometimes pull away before I have the chance to know someone properly. Friendship can feel like too much, and my usual excuse is that I do not have the time. Motherhood is busy, and time really is limited, but somewhere in my heart, I know that is not the whole truth.
I am also afraid.
I am afraid of losing another friendship. I am afraid that I will not be accepted. Pulling away feels safer than opening my heart and being hurt again.
Since I left my home country, God has brought people into my life who could have become close friends. Some have shown me kindness and offered genuine connection. But the fear of loss and rejection has sometimes stopped me from receiving and giving love freely. Part of my heart has remained closed to being truly known.
I make excuses and tell myself that I do not need anyone. I remind myself that God is all I need. He is my ultimate source, but He did not create us to live without other people. One of the ways God cares for us is through the love, presence and practical help of His people.
Galatians 6:2 tells us to carry one another's burdens. That means being willing to help someone else when life feels heavy. It also means being humble and vulnerable enough to let someone help us carry what is heavy.
We cannot obey this instruction from a distance. Burden-bearing requires some form of honest relationship. Someone has to be willing to say, “I am struggling,” and someone else has to be willing to stay, listen, pray or offer practical help.
I am still healing, and God is bringing me face to face with the condition of my heart. He is showing me the walls I have built and the fears hiding behind my excuses. I sense Him asking me to stop trying to be strong all the time and to learn how to ask for and receive help.
Receiving help is not weakness. It is an acknowledgement that I was never meant to carry every burden alone.
This does not mean we must share everything with everyone. Not every relationship is safe, and trust can take time to grow. Healthy vulnerability is not the same as having no boundaries. Sometimes community begins with one small, honest conversation with one trustworthy person.
God has not called mothers into isolation. We need people who can pray with us, listen without rushing to fix us and remind us of truth when we are tired. We also have love, encouragement and practical care to offer others. Community gives us room to do both.
If you feel reluctant to become part of a community, ask God to show you what is beneath that reluctance. Perhaps there is pain that still needs healing or a fear you have never named. You do not have to force instant closeness or pretend that the past did not hurt. You can ask God to lead you gently.
Ask Him to show you one safe person and one small step. It may be sending a message that says, “This week has felt heavy. Could you pray for me or check in with me?” It may be accepting an offer of help instead of automatically saying that you are fine.
Let God begin to take down the walls, one honest moment at a time. There may be someone ready to help you carry the burden, and there may be someone whose burden you are able to carry too.
A quiet prayer
Father, thank You for caring for me through Your presence and through the people You bring into my life. You know the friendships I have lost and the ways that pain has made me afraid to open my heart again. Please heal what still hurts. Give me wisdom to recognise safe people, courage to be honest and humility to receive help. Show me whose burden I can help to carry, and teach me not to hide my own. Lead me into healthy, loving community. In Jesus' name, amen.
Hold on to this today
“I was never meant to carry every burden alone.”
Take one small step towards a safe person today, even if you only ask for prayer.